The Starfleet Academy Cadet's Songbook
by MinervaDeannaBond
Summary: It's Mother Goose and children's sing-along time with an outrageous Star Trek twist! Feel free to sing along to these nursery rhymes parodied to fit the Star Trek universe - both the Original Series and Next Generation crews join in for the fun!
1. I've Been Serving Under Starfleet

Okay, there's no logical explanation for this except... 1) No one's ever done this before and I was feeling creative, and 2) I had a really strong burst of insanity tonight. LOL, I proudly present to you "The Starfleet Academy Cadet's Songbook," filled with Star Trek parodies of children's nursery rhymes. My big inspiration came from a bunch of Harry Potter nursery rhyme parodies, and since I'm a Trekkie... well, you do the math. I've posted this as a Star Trek TOS/Star Trek TNG crossover since the rhymes are based on both series. This first one is a parody of "I've Been Working On The Railroad" (obviously), and the last two verses, just to be clear, are based on the TNG episode "Deja Q." If y'all have any suggestions for nursery rhymes I can parody, let me know!

* * *

I've been serving under Starfleet  
On the _Enterprise_  
I've been serving under Starfleet  
Soaring through the starry skies

Can't you hear the klaxon ringing?  
Romulans are firing the blows  
Can't you hear the captain shouting,  
"Data, make it so!"

Data, make it so  
Data, make it so  
Data, fire back and make it so!  
Data, make it so  
Data, make it so  
Data, won't you make it so?

Someone's in Ten Forward with Guinan  
Someone's in Ten Forward, I know  
Someone's in Ten Forward with Guinan  
It's Q, and he's feeling low

He's whining, "Where, where did my powers go?  
Why am I now the lowest of low?  
Data's teaching me humanities  
And Guinan just sits back and gloats!"

* * *

Goofy, I know, but I hope y'all got a kick out of it! Stay tuned for the next rhyme and please review!


	2. Redshirts Are Dying

This rhyme is, hands down, my personal favorite out all the nursery rhyme parodies I've done so far (yes, I do have more up my sleeve!). It's a parody of "The Ants Go Marching" - except in this rhyme, redshirts are dying! If you remember the melody and rhythm of "The Ants Go Marching," feel free to sing along!

**Susan Hilton:** I'm glad you think so! This one'll make you laugh, no doubt about it!

* * *

Redshirts are dying one by one  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying one by one  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying one by one  
The little one just got shot by a gun  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying two by two  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying two by two  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying two by two  
The little one's face is turning blue  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying three by three  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying three by three  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying three by three  
The little one just fell out of a tree  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying four by four  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying four by four  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying four by four  
The little one inhales poisonous spores  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying five by five  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying five by five  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying five by five  
The little one just got vaporized  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying six by six  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying six by six  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying six by six  
The little one's been run through with a stick  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying seven by seven  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying seven by seven  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying seven by seven  
The little one just flew up to heaven  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying eight by eight  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying eight by eight  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying eight by eight  
The little one's now a Gorn's blue plate  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying nine by nine  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying nine by nine  
Oh no! Oh no!  
Redshirts are dying nine by nine  
The little one knows he's out of time  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

Redshirts are dying ten by ten  
Who cares? Who cares?  
Redshirts are dying ten by ten  
Who cares? Who cares?  
Redshirts are dying ten by ten  
The little one stops to say "THE END!"  
And they all come tumbling down to the ground  
Never heard from again  
Boom, boom, boom!

* * *

Ah, what insanity will I pull out of my pretty head next? Stay tuned and keep reviewing!


	3. Seven On The Enterprise

Here's yet another tune from the Starfleet Academy Cadet's Songbook, a parody of "Ten Little Indians." Except instead of ten little Indian boys, we have seven officers on each _Enterprise_!

**Susan Hilton:** Thanks for the song suggestion; I'll see what I can do about that one! Maybe another redshirt parody...

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** Ooh, a request for Chekov? Hmm, do you have a specific rhyme you'd like me to parody for him?

* * *

Captain Kirk, Spock, and Bones McCoy,  
Scotty, Sulu, and Miss Uhura,  
Pavel Chekov with Russian pride,  
Seven on the _Enterprise_!

Jean-Luc Picard and William Riker,  
Geordi, Worf, and Beverly Crusher,  
Counselor Troi and Mr. Data,  
Seven on the _Enterprise_!

* * *

There's more where this came from! Stay tuned and keep on reviewin'!


	4. Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk

Yet another burst of insanity from my crazy, creative mind. We all know Kirk had two titles - Captain and then, for a short time, Admiral. "Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk" has a pretty nice ring to it... and was the inspiration for this parody of - yup, you guessed it - "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt."

**Susan Hilton:** Thanks! There's more where that came from!

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** Nice idea! I was actually thinking of using "Bingo," but that's a good suggestion, too.

* * *

Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk  
His name is my name, too  
Whenever we beam out  
The crew lets out a shout  
"There goes Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk!"  
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah

(_sung softly_)  
Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk  
His name is my name, too  
Whenever we beam out  
The crew lets out a shout  
(_loudly_)  
"There goes Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk!"  
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah

(_even softer_)  
Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk  
His name is my name, too  
Whenever we beam out  
The crew lets out a shout  
(_louder than before_)  
"There goes Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk!"  
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah

(_softest of all_)  
Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk  
His name is my name, too  
Whenever we beam out  
The crew lets out a shout  
(_shout at the top of your lungs_)  
"There goes Admiral Captain James Tiberius Kirk!"  
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah

* * *

Up next - a little ditty about three little ensigns soaring and soaring all over the stars. Stay tuned and keep reviewing!


	5. Three Little Ensigns

A note to my readers regarding this sing-along spoof: Although I don't really make anything clear about which series this is, it is supposed to be Next Generation. Think about it as Wesley Crusher and two other curious ensigns taking a shuttlecraft for a joyride all over the galaxy despite Picard's warnings. Overall, I think you'll get a kick out of this parody of "Three Little Fishies." I just had to keep the "boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu's"; they're awesome!

**Susan Hilton:** I will indeed! I just took a look at your TOS/Warehouse 13 crossover the other night. I haven't seen that episode of TOS yet, so I figured I might watch it first so I'll know what the story's about. I'll check out the other ones, too!

* * *

Up in outer space on the Starship _Enterprise  
_Lived three little ensigns wanting to explore the skies  
"Explore," said the captain, "But don't go too far!"  
And they soared and they soared all over the stars!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
And they soared and they soared all over the stars!

"Stop!" yelled the captain, "Or you will get lost!"  
But the three little ensigns didn't want to be bossed  
So the three little ensigns went off on a spree  
And they soared and they soared off to Nelvana III!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
And they soared and they soared off to Nelvana III!

"Whee!" yelled the little ensigns, "Here's a lot of fun!  
We'll explore the solar system 'til the day is done!"  
They flew near the Neutral Zone without any fear  
Till all of a sudden, the Romulans appeared!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Till all of a sudden, the Romulans appeared!

"Look!" cried the little ensigns, "Off the starboard bow!  
The Romulans are here; let's run away now!"  
So they turned tail and flew back to the _Enterprise  
_And they soared and they soared all over the skies!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
Boop boop dittem dattem whattem chu!  
And they soared and they soared all over the skies!

* * *

Up next is a little story about how Captain Kirk had a ship... and about the crew that lived on it! Stay tuned and keep reviewing!


	6. Captain Kirk, He Had A Ship

Captain Kirk, he had a ship, E-I-E-I-O! There are six senior officers on Kirk's ship, all mentioned by their famous quotes and quirks, in this goofy parody of "Old MacDonald Had A Farm." Enjoy!

**Susan Hilton:** I'm glad you liked the song after I sent it to you! It's a cute one.

**Zabe Rogue:** LOL, awesome! I'll see what I can do about "This Little Piggy" - any particular characters or do you want me to choose? As for "There Were Five In The Bed" being about Barclay, Data, Geordi, Troi, and O'Brien, I love it! *pulls out magic wand* Minerva McGonagall I'm not, but I'll work my own brand of magic!

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** Oh my gosh, you've never heard of "Three Little Fishies"? Look it up on YouTube and click on the one that's a Mickey Mouse sing-along; it's the best version.

* * *

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Mr. Spock  
E-I-E-I-O  
With a "Live long" here and a "Live long" there  
Here a "live," there a "long," everywhere a "Live long"  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Bones McCoy  
E-I-E-I-O  
With a "He's dead" here and a "He's dead" there  
Here "He's dead," there "He's dead," everywhere a "He's dead"  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Mr. Scott  
E-I-E-I-O  
With a scotch shot here and a scotch shot there  
Here a shot, there a shot, everywhere a scotch shot  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Mr. Sulu  
E-I-E-I-O  
With an "Oh my!" here and an "Oh my!" there  
Here an "Oh," there a "my," everywhere an "Oh my!"  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Mr. Chekov  
E-I-E-I-O  
With his Russian pride here and his Russian pride here  
There his pride, there his pride, everywhere his Russian pride  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O

Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O  
And on this ship was Miss Uhura  
E-I-E-I-O  
With a tribble here and a tribble there  
Here a tribble, there a tribble, everywhere a tribble  
Captain Kirk, he had a ship  
E-I-E-I-O!

* * *

What's up next? A sweet rhyme involving everyone's favorite android, Data! Stay tuned and keep reviewing!


	7. Dr Soong Is Working Hard

This one's a little different than the others - instead of funny, this one, a spin on "London Bridge Is Falling Down," sweet. It's about Dr. Noonien Soong's creation of Data - and all the qualities he bestowed upon his son, including a very precious gift.

**fujikawaii10346:** LOL, I laughed myself when I was writing that one! It's still stuck in my head! You've got a crush on Chekov, too? Awesomeness!

**Susan Hilton:** Oops, thanks for telling me. Maybe I'll change it later on; I've still got the document uploaded.

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** Thank you! The one after this will have you cracking up, too!

* * *

Dr. Soong is working hard  
Working hard, working hard  
Dr. Soong is working hard  
On his son Data

Qualities and looks he needs  
Looks he needs, looks he needs  
Qualities and looks he needs  
For his son Data

"I'll construct him from titanium  
Titanium, titanium  
I'll construct him from titanium  
My son Data

"His face, it will be just like mine  
Just like mine, just like mine  
His face, it will be just like mine  
My son Data

"I'll give him skin that's diamond white  
Diamond white, diamond white  
I'll give him skin that's diamond white  
My son Data

"His eyes are made of purest gold  
Purest gold, purest gold  
His eyes are made of purest gold  
My son Data

"He needs a sense of right and wrong  
Right and wrong, right and wrong  
He needs a sense of right and wrong  
My son Data

"And all the goodness I can give  
I can give, I can give  
And all the goodness I can give  
My son Data

"An emotion chip so he can love  
He can love, he can love  
An emotion chip so he can love  
My son Data

"A soul's the best gift I can give  
I can give, I can give  
A soul for him so he can live  
My son Data."

* * *

Up next, a crazy one about the Next Generation's favorite hellraiser, Q! Stay tuned and keep on reviewing!


	8. The Q Poofed Onto The Starship

All right, folks; we had cuteness last chapter... now we're back to the funny stuff! Q is back on the _Enterprise _and teasing everyone mercilessly in this parody of "The Bear Went Over The Mountain."

**fujikawaii10346:** I thought that might tug at a few people's heartstrings. Dr. Soong really did give Data a soul; that's what I believe.

* * *

The Q poofed onto the starship  
The Q poofed onto the starship  
The Q poofed onto the starship  
To see who he could tease

Picard was drinking his hot tea  
Picard was drinking his hot tea  
Q caused the Earl Grey to spill free  
On the captain's lap and knees

Will Riker was taking a shower  
Will Riker was taking a shower  
By using his inhuman powers  
Q caused it all to freeze

Geordi just can't find his VISOR  
Geordi just can't find his VISOR  
"La Forge is none for the wiser  
The thing looks better on me!"

Worf is tired of Q's tricks  
Worf is tired of Q's tricks  
"I say we give him a few licks  
Sir, let me hit him, please!"

Bev Crusher is treating Reg Barclay  
Bev Crusher is treating Reg Barclay  
Says Q, "I'll scare him quite starkly  
I'll give him a rare disease!"

Deanna Troi's sensing anger  
Deanna Troi's sensing anger  
The crew thinks Q is a wanker  
A good smack is what he needs

Commander Data is upset  
Commander Data is upset  
Q shaved the fur off of his cat  
And now poor Spot has fleas

Guinan knows how to stop Q  
Guinan knows how to stop Q  
"I've got a plan that is foolproof  
Just leave it all to me!"

She got Q a date with Troi's mom  
She got Q a date with Troi's mom  
And no one's seen him in so long  
And the _Enterprise _has peace!

* * *

What insanity is up next? If I can finish it soon, a little ditty about the famous trio of Star Trek - Kirk, Spock, and Bones! Stay tuned and keep on reviewing!


	9. Five Little Redshirts

Finally! I tried working on one about the Trio, but instead, those crazy, accident-prone redshirts are back in this parody of "Five Little Monkeys." Although, these red-clad monkeys aren't just jumping off the bed and bumping their heads. I thought it'd be funny to have Bones give his diagnosis every time and just get more and more annoyed with each idiot's death.

**Susan Hilton:** Thanks! I did check it out; it was awesome!

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** Are you kidding? Q is freakin' awesome! He played so many tricks on the TNG crew - and even got a taste of his own medicine once or twice!

**laura 101:** Aww, thanks, Laura! I'm glad you think so; I consider that an honor.

* * *

Five little redshirts beaming off the ship  
One got lost in a transporter glitch  
The captain called the doctor and the doctor quipped,  
"No more redshirts beaming off the ship!"

Four little redshirts walking through the grass  
One got bitten right in the *beep!*  
The doctor said, as bold as brass,  
"No more idiots traipsing through the grass!"

Three little redshirts jumping 'cross the river  
One fell in and turned blue and shivered  
The doctor said, with a glare to turn your liver,  
"No more morons jumping 'cross the river!"

Two little redshirts shooting phaser guns  
One richocheted and killed the other one  
The doctor said, as he chewed out the last one,  
"Next time, you imbeciles, set the thing to stun!"

One little redshirt checking out the plants  
He climbed up a tree and tore his pants  
The doctor said, with a withering glance,  
"I'm a doctor, not a seamstress! Fix it? Fat chance!"

* * *

So what rhyme or sing-along is up next? Stay tuned to find out, and keep on reviewing!


	10. Do Your Ears Have Points?

Finally! I wanted to do this one for a long time, but I never could get it right until now. This one is about the trio, a parody of "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"

**Susan Hilton:** Thanks! That's quite a compliment.

**JASPERHALEFOREVER:** LOL, now you've got me thinking of the Trix commercials. "Silly redshirts, tricks are for kids!"

**fujikawaii10346:** I had such a blast writing that one for Q; I laughed myself silly!

**Lilith Luciferia:** When I first came up with the idea, I wanted to do one purely for either one, but that didn't work out, so... badda bing, badda boom! Crossover madness!

**Sensara:** Thank you so much! I love making people laugh.

* * *

Do your ears have points?  
Is cool logic your own choice?  
Your emotions never show in your face or in your voice  
If your blood runs emerald green  
And Bones calls you a machine  
You are Mr. Spock

Do your hands save lives?  
Do you have the bluest eyes?  
You're a good old Southern doctor unafraid to speak your mind  
Swapping insults, fights, and puns  
With Mr. Spock is half the fun  
You are Bones McCoy

Are you in command?  
Do you know just where you stand?  
You have a ship at your disposal and a phaser in your hand  
If you're a leader through and through  
A lover and a fighter, too  
You are James T. Kirk

* * *

What insanity is up next? Stay tuned and keep on reviewing!


	11. Pavel

Finally! Sorry 'bout the delay; college has been keeping me busy (two exams today; nearly killed me). But anyhoo, here's the latest entry in the Songbook, all about that adorable Russian sweetie, Pavel Chekov! And guess what? It's a parody of "Bingo," so feel free to sing and clap along!

**JASPERHALEFOREVER: **Don't worry, I'm still kicking! I've just been busy with school is all.

**fujikawaii10346:** Doesn't political correctness suck? I mean, give kids a cookie, for Pete's sake! One ain't gonna kill them!

**Susan Hilton:** Thank you so much! I love it when people tell me I've made them laugh or smile; it always feels so awesome!

**Lilith Luciferia:** No, I haven't! But you can bet when I have kids of my own, I'm gonna read them both the original rhymes and the Star Trek parodies. My little Trekkies; I can see it now!

* * *

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
P-A-V-E-L  
P-A-V-E-L  
P-A-V-E-L  
And Pavel was his name-o

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
Clap!-A-V-E-L  
Clap!-A-V-E-L  
Clap!-A-V-E-L  
And Pavel was his name-o

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
Clap!-clap!-V-E-L  
Clap!-clap!-V-E-L  
Clap!-clap!-V-E-L  
And Pavel was his name-o

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-E-L  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-E-L  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-E-L  
And Pavel was his name-o

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-L  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-L  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-L  
And Pavel was his name-o

There was a lad with Russian pride  
And Pavel was his name-o  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!  
Clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!-clap!  
And Pavel was his name-o

* * *

What madcap mania is up next? Stay tuned to find out and keep on reviewing!


	12. This Little Away Mission

Finally, I've gotten around to updating the Songbook! And, with this new rhyme and the next, one, I'm finally honoring a request put to me by Zabe Rogue - this is a parody of "This Little Piggy", describing what happens on a typical away mission... every single blessed episode. No. Really. This is what happens all the time on TOS. Anyhoo, enjoy!

**MrsPavelChekov:** How can I not give Chekov a chapter to himself? He's so awesome!

**Susan Hilton:** Aside from the Golden Trio, Chekov's my favorite TOS character! I love him!

**Sensara:** Amen, sista! Bones is beautiful inside and out! If I could find a man like him, I'd marry him in a heartbeat.

**fujikawaii10346:** LOL, thanks! What kind of random thing were you expecting? Just curious.

**Pokepal Karai Natsume:** Thank you so much! Man, I can't believe how many people keep telling me what I write is genius. I'm flattered!

**werdycnan:** Awesome! Mission accomplished!

* * *

Captain James Kirk led the mission  
While Spock took command of the ship  
Ensign Pavel Chekov yelled "Look out!"  
And Dr. McCoy yelled "Oh *beep!*"  
And one little redshirt screamed  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"  
All the way to Kingdom Come.

* * *

I know it's short, but hey - "This Little Piggy" was a short rhyme! The next one is coming right up, just keep on reviewing!


	13. There Were Five On The Holodeck

Yay! Two in one night! I am on a roll! Anyway, Zabe Rogue, here's the one you've been waiting for - a parody of "There Were Five In The Bed" featuring Barclay, Data, Geordi, Riker, and Troi! I owe you one, girl!

P.S. See if you can spot the two references to the TNG episode "Hollow Pursuits" I've slipped in. :D

* * *

There were five on the holodeck  
And Barclay said, "Hey Geordi, malfunction!"  
So Geordi went out to repair the glitch

There were four on the holodeck  
And Barclay said, "Hey Riker, you're short now!"  
So Riker popped him one and he marched out

There were three on the holodeck  
And Barclay said, "Hey Data, where'd Spot go?"  
So Data ran out in search of Spot

There were two on the holodeck  
And Barclay said, "Deanna, my Goddess!"  
So Deanna slapped him and she stormed out

There was one on the holodeck  
And Barclay said, "Computer, end program!"  
So Barclay went out rubbing his slapped cheek

* * *

Pretty wacky stuff, huh? If y'all have any requests for sing-alongs or rhymes, let me know! Until then, keep the reviews coming!


	14. Where Have These Tribbles Come From?

Oh where, oh where did these tribbles come from? As you fans of "The Trouble With Tribbles" know, those little hairballs are nothing but trouble, and they're an absolute pain in the butt to get rid of! But they can be pretty useful in warding off Klingons. :D Anyhoo, this is my parody of "Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?" and my salute to the best TOS episode ever, "The Trouble With Tribbles."

**MrsPavelChekov:** LOL, I knew you'd laugh when Deanna slapped Barclay! She looked like she wanted to when she saw that Goddess of Empathy program he'd created!

**Lilith Luciferia:** Thank you! I just did a Dr. Seuss parody for my Short Story class, and one of the girls told me I had a real gift for it. That's an awesome compliment!

**GGDeimos: **Thank you so much! I'm always delighted and flattered when someone hops onto my bandwagon!

**Zabe Rogue:** Anytime! I'm always happy to get a request!

**Susan Hilton:** Thanks on both counts! I've read part of "The Bester of Both Worlds," and it is pretty darn good!

**Sensara:** Thanks! I know some people might think Barclay's a little worm, but I love him! I can identify with him a little bit.

* * *

Oh where, oh where have these tribbles come from?  
Oh how, oh how can this be?  
They just eat and they reproduce one by one  
We're in furballs up to our knees!

Uhura bought one from Cyrano Jones  
All brown and soft and fuzzy  
She took it home and she got a surprise  
It had a dozen babies!

Oh where, oh where have these tribbles come from?  
Oh how, oh how can this be?  
They just eat and they reproduce one by one  
We're in furballs up to our knees!

On Deep Space Station K-7 now,  
While fighting takes place in the bar  
The tribbles are gorging themselves on grain  
While the Klingons wait from afar

The grain was poisoned, the tribbles are dead  
But who can the saboteur be?  
The tribbles squeal around Klingon scum  
They saved the mission quickly

Oh where, oh where have these tribbles come from?  
Oh how, oh how can this be?  
They just eat and they reproduce one by one  
\We're in furballs up to our knees!

* * *

What madness is up next? Well, I'm currently taking requests for any Christmas songs y'all would like to see me parody for the Songbook, so if you've got a favorite, let me know! Until next time, keep the reviews coming!


	15. They'll Be Comin' 'Round The Planet

Man, it took me forever to find another kids' song to parody, but I finally found a winner in "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain." This is a typical welcoming party for Kirk and the crew, who'll be comin' round the planet when they come!

To everyone who has reviewed so far: thank you so much for all your kind reviews! I'm glad you're getting such a kick out of these, and I hope you like this new addition to the Songbook!

* * *

They'll be comin' round the planet when they come  
They'll be comin' round the planet when they come  
They'll be comin' round the planet  
They'll be comin' round the planet  
They'll be comin' round the planet when they come

And they'll be flyin' warp speed seven when they come  
They'll be flyin' warp speed seven when they come  
Oh, they'll be flyin' warp speed seven  
They'll be flyin' warp speed seven  
They'll be flyin' warp speed seven when they come

And we'll all beam up to meet them when they come  
And we'll all beam up to meet them when they come  
Oh, we'll all beam up to meet them  
Yeah, we'll all beam up to meet them  
Yeah, we'll all beam up to meet them when they come

They'll be wearing Starfleet's finest when they come  
They'll be wearing Starfleet's finest when they come  
Oh, they'll be wearing Starfleet's finest  
They'll be wearing Starfleet's finest  
They'll be wearing Starfleet's finest when they come

Captain Kirk will kiss the ladies when they come  
Captain Kirk will kiss the ladies when they come  
Captain Kirk will kiss the ladies  
Captain Kirk will kiss the ladies  
Captain Kirk will kiss the ladies when they come

Doctor Bones and Spock will argue when they come  
Doctor Bones and Spock will argue when they come  
Doctor Bones and Spock will argue  
Doctor Bones and Spock will argue  
Doctor Bones and Spock will argue when they come

Mr. Scott will break the scotch out when they come  
Mr. Scott will break the scotch out when they come  
Mr. Scott will break the scotch out  
Mr. Scott will break the scotch out  
Mr. Scott will break the scotch out when they come

Miss Uhura, she will hail them when they come  
Miss Uhura, she will hail them when they come  
Miss Uhura, she will hail them  
Miss Uhura, she will hail them  
Miss Uhura, she will hail them when they come

Mr. Sulu will start joking when they come  
Mr. Chekov will join in it when they come  
Oh, the two of them will clown up  
Oh, the two of them will clown up  
Oh, the two of them will clown up when they come

And we'll be drinking Saurian brandy when they come  
And we'll be drinking Saurian brandy when they come  
Oh, we'll be drinking Saurian brandy  
We'll be drinking Saurian brandy  
We'll be drinking Saurian brandy when they come!

* * *

Any requests? Stay tuned and keep reviewing!


	16. Datas, Datas Everywhere

Man, sorry I've been so long updating; I've been busy - and brainstorming parodies of kids' songs for the Songbook. Finally, I remembered an awesome song from the show _Kidsongs _- "We're Gonna Get Wet", and the chorus begins with "Water, water everywhere, we're gonna get wet!" I listened to the song, reliving my childhood, and then it hit me: "Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3!" I remembered the episode "A Fistful Of Datas," and there really were Datas everywhere! So... enjoy this new spoof, and look out for a Data behind you!

* * *

Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Something's going on in the wild, wild West  
Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Worf, he is put to the test  
Alexander and Troi are here, too  
Wearing boots and toting guns  
Whoa, Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3

The Hollanders have the run of town  
Deadwood needs a sheriff to fight  
But the program's bugging out  
Everywhere, there's Datas in sight

Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Something's going on in the wild, wild West  
Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Worf, he is put to the test  
Alexander and Troi are here, too  
Wearing boots and toting guns  
Whoa, Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3

Sheriff Worf's drawing his pistol now  
Frank and Eli Hollander flee  
Worf's love interest is Data in drag  
They better get off Holodeck 3!

Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Something's going on in the wild, wild West  
Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Worf, he is put to the test  
Alexander and Troi are here, too  
Wearing boots and toting guns  
Whoa, Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3  
Datas, Datas everywhere on Holodeck 3

* * *

Keep on reviewing and let me know if there's a kids' song you want me to parody!


	17. If You're Captain Kirk and Know It

I know it's been a long time since I've updated the Songbook, but I hope this new entry is worth the wait! Just in case y'all can't figure it out, this is a parody of "If You're Happy and You Know It," featuring three members each from the Original Series and Next Generation crews. If you're a TNG fan, you're gonna love the last one!

* * *

If you're Captain Kirk and know it, kiss the girls  
If you're Captain Kirk and know it, kiss the girls  
If you're Captain Kirk and know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Captain Kirk and know it, kiss the girls

If you're Mr. Spock and know it, say "Live long"  
If you're Mr. Spock and know it, say "Live long"  
If you're Mr. Spock and know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Mr. Spock and know it, say "Live long"

If you're Dr. Bones and know it, pick on Spock  
If you're Dr. Bones and know it, pick on Spock  
If you're Dr. Bones and know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Dr. Bones and know it, pick on Spock

If you're Jean-Luc and you know it, shout "Engage!"  
If you're Jean-Luc and you know it, shout "Engage!"  
If you're Jean-Luc and you know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Jean-Luc and you know it, shout "Engage!"

If you're Data and you know it, tilt your head  
If you're Data and you know it, tilt your head  
If you're Data and you know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Data and you know it, tilt your head

If you're Wesley and you know it, just SHUT UP!  
If you're Wesley and you know it, just SHUT UP!  
If you're Wesley and you know it  
And you really want to show it  
If you're Wesley and you know it, just SHUT UP!

* * *

Questions? Comments? Any ideas for a new nursery rhyme or song parody? I welcome them all!


	18. Sulu, Fly The Enterprise

Surprise! I finished two today! This particular entry in the Songbook stars Lt. Commander Hikaru Sulu, helmsman of the _Enterprise_, and is a parody of - yup, you guessed it - "Michael, Row The Boat Ashore." Sing along and enjoy!

* * *

Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia

The galaxy's big and the galaxy's wide, alleluia  
Unknown planets on the other side, alleluia  
Outer space is chilly and cold, alleluia  
Chills the body and thrills the soul, alleluia

Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia

Klingon ship off the starboard bow, alleluia  
Sulu, fire the phasers now, alleluia  
The day is saved and we're flying free, alleluia  
Fanfares sound for you and me, alleluia

Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Sulu, fly the _Enterprise, _alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia  
Chekov, steer him through the stars, alleluia

* * *

Alleluia, what a time! Any questions, comments, or requests? Let me know!


	19. I'm A Little Redshirt

Here's a short but sweet - and hopefully, funny - addition to the Songbook! Those accident-prone redshirts are back yet again, this time singing a little ditty to the tune of "I'm A Little Teapot." Y'all seem to get a kick out of the redshirts - so do I! Enjoy!

* * *

I'm a little redshirt with bad luck  
I am a target, a sitting duck  
Expendable for kicks, and man, it sucks!  
When I bite it, hear me scream –

Sensors: You can't say that on TV! You're outta here! _They press a button and the redshirt falls through a trapdoor, screaming the whole way._

* * *

Like I said, short but sweet, but hopefully, y'all laughed! Feedback's always welcome, as well as any suggestions for sing-alongs and nursery rhymes you'd like to see me Trek up!


	20. Five Starfleet Captains

Ta-da, the twentieth entry in the Songbook! I can't believe I've made it all the way to 20; my goodness! This new entry, based on "Five Little Ducks," not only features the characters of TOS and TNG, but of DS9, VOY, and ENT as well, and goes down the line of captains, first officers, doctors, and engineers, each stanza describing who I think is the best of each category (best captain, first officer, doctor, and engineer) and finally culminating in who I think is the best Star Trek character of all time (but if y'all know me well, you already know who it is). Sing along and enjoy!

* * *

Five Starfleet captains I once knew  
Kirk, Janeway, Archer, Sisko too  
But it's Jean-Luc Picard  
Who's the best to know  
And he leads the others with a "Make it so!"

Four Number Ones that I once knew  
Riker, Chakotay, Kira too  
But it's Spock who leads best  
With his logic strong  
And he leads the others with a loud "Live long!"

Three Starfleet doctors I once knew  
Beverly Crusher, the Doctor too  
But it's Bones McCoy  
Who takes home the win  
And he leads the others with a "He's dead, Jim!"

Two engineers that I once knew  
Geordi La Forge and Scotty too  
But it's Scotty who's raised  
To the highest notch  
And he leads the others with a toast of scotch!

One Starfleet android I once knew  
Had eyes of gold and a soul true-blue  
And becoming human was his only dream  
And he leads the others with an "Intriguing!"

* * *

Any requests? Questions? Comments? Reasons why I chose these particular five characters as the best of each? Just review!


	21. The Twelve Starfleet Days of Christmas

I know, I know, it's not even Halloween yet, but I'm ready for Christmas, people! And I want to get a head start on any requests y'all might have for Christmas song parodies for the Songbook - this is just the first, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" parodied with the crew of the _Enterprise-_D. The gang's all here, along with Reginald Barclay, Lwaxana Troi, Guinan, and that marvelous misanthrope Q! My inspiration for this one actually came from Gred and Forge's GENIUS Harry Potter parody of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" - check it out on YouTube! Merry Christmas early!

* * *

On the first day of Christmas, Starfleet gave to me  
Command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the second day of Christmas, Jean-Luc gave to me  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the third day of Christmas, Riker gave to me  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the fourth day of Christmas, Geordi gave to me  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the fifth day of Christmas, Crusher gave to me  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the sixth day of Christmas, Worfie gave to me  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise-_D

On the seventh day of Christmas, Deanna gave to me  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

On the eighth day of Christmas, Data gave to me  
Eight cats named Spot  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

On the ninth day of Christmas, Barclay gave to me  
Nine holofantasies  
Eight cats named Spot  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

On the tenth day of Christmas, Lwaxana gave to me  
Ten Holy Rings  
Nine holofantasies  
Eight cats named Spot  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Guinan gave to me  
Eleven Romulan ales  
Ten Holy Rings  
Nine holofantasies  
Eight cats named Spot  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

On the twelfth day of Christmas, that nut Q gave to me  
Twelve continuum powers  
Eleven Romulan ales  
Ten Holy Rings  
Nine holofantasies  
Eight cats named Spot  
Seven counseling sessions  
Six Klingon bat'leths  
Five hyposprays…  
Four VISOR headsets  
Three trombones  
Two cups of tea  
And command of the _Enterprise_-D

* * *

You sang along, didn't you? Admit it! Lol, reviews are always appreciated, and if you have any requests for Christmas parodies, shoot 'em my way!


	22. Jingle Bells

Surprise! Another Christmas parody, featuring both the TOS and TNG crews! I've always wondered what "Jingle Bells" would be like as a Star Trek parody, and here it is! The first two stanzas and chorus are about the TOS crew, and the next two stanzas and final chorus feature the TNG crew, with a special appearance by Q! Merry Christmas early once again!

* * *

Dashing through the stars  
In a beat-up shuttlecraft  
The systems are no-go  
No way we're gonna laugh

Spock's spouting logic now  
McCoy is getting steamed  
Kirk's fed up with their arguments  
And he just wants to scream

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells  
Two redshirts are dead  
Sulu grabbed a .22  
And shot them in the head, hey!  
Jingle bells, jingle bells  
Scotty's in a fight  
He's beating up the Klingons  
In the bar on Christmas night

A day or two ago  
In a flash of blinding light  
Q popped aboard the ship  
To annoy us day and night

"I have a Christmas gift  
For Jean-Luc and the crew  
So listen up, 'cause here's my song  
A gift from me to you!

"Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells  
Jean-Luc needs some hair  
Worf's incensed, and Troi can sense  
Enormous anger there, hey!  
Jingle bells, Riker smells,  
Geordi laid an egg  
The _Enterprise _got energized  
And Data took ballet!"

* * *

I looked at quite a few "Jingle Bells" parodies to come up with this little amalgamation - the "Sulu grabbed a .22" thing came from another parody, as did the last part, which I'm sure many of you will recognize as the "Jingle bells, Batman smells" parody. Any requests? Comments? Shoot 'em my way!


End file.
